A Boredom And A Positive Person

Almost  one year I didn't write for this blog. Now am I changing or what? Sure I do, I believe that every person must change in every second of their step,  not to be another person but a better person.

Let's check about my condition now :

What I feel now is a huge boredom. A super duper boredom, caused by my own choice to have a lot of extra spare time. Never in my mind I thought that studying in geology could have this kind of situation. In  this 7th semester, I only take one subject - Petroleum geochemistry - I interested in petroleum basically, and also the nice lecturer. Beside that one subject, I also take my mini thesis to accomplish my undergraduate degree study. My topic is rather unusual. It's about the origin of lithology used in Borobudur temple. I fight against my self to decide whether this topic is right or wrong for me, maybe I'll tell about it later.

The point of all of it, is that formally I only go to campus one day in a week! It's my beautiful Tuesday which I will meet my friends and my awesome lecturer, hearing stunning explanation about petroleum system and it's geochemistry. Beside Tuesday, I have no persist schedule. With the natural behaviour of mine that actually  I'm a lazy girl, I almost doing nothing in my daily, except watch movies and read novels. Plus, this semester stupidly I'm not taking any  opportunity to be assistant in laboratory like I did last semester.  What was I thinking? Tired of learning...? I never tired of learning , but the burden in learning environment sometime  heavier than the learning it self.  Studying should be just light and fun.

Than I want to take an English course to help me learn conversation formally. But I still need other activity. One different that I realize on my psychology is, that now I feel like I want to meet as many people as I can, talk and smile to more person. I hate doing nothing in my room. It's different if I remember that usually I always deny on people rather than come to them gladly and smile. By the way I learnt this from someone, a dancer I watch in American 'so you think you can dance'. She always smiling sincerely with her heart, and her smile is so loud that it spread fast to the room and then everyone  also smiling  too. Her smile is affecting. She said she is a positive person, who always laugh and smile, think positive on anything. For me it's a damn inspiration. I try to learn from everything I met in  life.

Okay, that's why this course is not enough, but I have no other idea how to spent my lot-of-spare time.  Other choice, is  the library. Of course I have to go there many times looking for references. But who will I meet in there? a little of other students and thousands of books.

My head could have explode by now, if I'm not considering poring this to my blog. Explode of boredom.

I used to want to immediately graduate or go away from this campus. I still want to, but..  There's something I have to do first before someday I leave. Something is missing and I have to find it soon. Something I have to take away on my ride.

Some View From Songs...

Now I got two old song from Joss stone that I think the lyric could be an inspiration to anyone. If you don't know the song, simply read the lyric is enough to show the power of these song. Well, the first titled, " Right to be wrong". Coincidently I found this song after my KL (Kuliah Lapangan) lecturer check out my KL poster for first consultation before the poster be displayed in about the next 2 weeks. And he found too many mistakes on my work, althoughI think I had already done it as good as I can. He detailly check it and scratched many part of it with his pen to correct it. Almost in all sections had something wrong on it. Yes, I look awfully stupid that time. But this is very important since KL is 4 SKS (credits) and cost 5 million in average. I wont give a damn or too puzzled if it isn't cost that expensive. I realized I had a willing to be an expert, but the way I am now is too far from that hope. Then I googling the full lyric of the song and, it help me to little bit recover.

"Right To Be Wrong"

I've got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
I've got a mind of my own
I'm flesh and blood to the bone
I'm not made of stoneGot a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

I've got a right to be wrong
I've been held down too long
I've got to break free
So I can finally breathe
I've got a right to be wrongGot to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

You're entitled to your opinionBut it's really my decision
I can't turn back I'm on a mission
If you care don't you dare blur my vision
Let me be all that I can be
Don't smother me with negativity
Whatever's out there waiting for me
I'm going to faced it willingly

I've got a right to be wrongMy mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
I've got a mind of my own
Flesh and blood to the bone
See, I'm not made of stone
I've got a right to be wrongSo just leave me alone

I've got a right to be wrong
I've been held down to long
I've got to break free
So I can finally breathe
I've got a right to be wrongGot to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
I've got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone


Joss stone

Okay, the second song is really deep if we read it when we feel like we're having so much burden we can't carry on longer. So sad and melow, I wish I have no reason to vivify it according to my real life experience. But here the sadness is somehow beautiful. I don't know, just check it..

"Sleep Like A Child"

Tonight when the darkness comes
Why don't we treat it like a friend
Then we'll both be glad to see the night
And we'll be hoping
It's never going to end

So don't be afraid of what the night-time may bring
You must understand that you can dream of anything

[Chorus:]
So fall into sleep
Peaceful and deep
And may this journey help you fly
When you can't hold out much longer
Don't you cry
When the darkness is getting stronger
Sleep like a child
Peaceful and deep
And when you lay you down
I pray your soul to keep
Sleep like a child
Peaceful and deep
And I when you lay you down
I pray your soul to keep

You won't be alone
For I will not be denied
Under the darkest of skies
I'm gunna be by your side

[Chorus]

Well I know
I can see it in your eyes
You're tired of fighting everyday
Trying to struggle through the night
Yes I know that it's hard to carry on
So just lay down your head
And in your dreams you will be strong

Sleep like a child
Peaceful and deep
And when you lay you down
I pray your soul to keep
Oh like a child
Peaceful and deep

Sleep like a child
Peaceful and deep
And I when you lay you down
I pray your soul to keep

The Great Ability to Wake Up

I’m not talking about wake up from sleeping, instead wake up from suffering, down, break, depress and escape from tiring life. What a lucky person to have such great ability. Such person won’t often feel sad and embarased for too long. One way to do it is forgetting suck thing that had happened although it’s never easy. My treatment of forgetting things is by drowning my self into busy day. Doing business we like makes everythings seems okay.
Well, this semester we learn 8 interesting subject. Analitic Stratigraphy; Geologic Research Methode; Religion; Geology of Indonesia; Philosophy of Knowledge; Igneous and Metamorphic Petrology; Geo Gomputation; and Geo Chemistry. This 5th smester is kind of a free half year. Yes we are busy of maintaining our KL data analysis, interpretation and of course data visualization, but in the other hand our lecturing schedule’s containing many spare time. And I take anvantage of it by being an asistant in Dynamic Geology Laboratory for Basic Geology subject. This new hit likely taking over my time badly. I ‘m assist about 120 new student to help them recognize the basic principle of geology. Wondering how apparently I really enjoy explaining everything I’m capable of. Explaining’s fun. Looking at those innocent face, recall me back into my early year of struggling in geology. They get everything easier now, how could they still busy of beefing this and that too. If only they knew what happened to my first semester. But these days, I realize something that perhaps very related to comfortable feeling. That is, to be appreciated, to be respected. I love to share my knowledge to them, my ability being appreciated. I never perceive being appreciated like this before. Really never.

Then, I’ve a plan to make my days even busier by learning spain. I thought spain’s the best choice considering it’s the easiest foreign language to learn for a zero newbie. I realize perhaps Franc or Deuch is more popular and widely used here, but remembering the difficulty of those two language I think it’s really hard to master. Anyway, Spain’s more beautiful to hear, and simple to learn, that my target is to master at least 2/3 of it in less than 2 year. I wonder if my plan will going right or the opposite. I know this is good for me, and the point is I want to get busier than now.

Actually, I’ve one more responsibility to be a guide or asistant for islamic sharing group in my campus. It’s okay for me to talk or speech in front of those new students, but to talk about Islam? Despite of it could be a positive business, but, I don’t think I could. My position now is currently farther from God, if I compare with when I was in senior high where I was so excited to learn holy Quran everyday. I’m not reading Quran everyday now. Also I completely aware that my sholat’s not as good as in my past which I was being so humble and khusyuk in communicating with God. This is awfuly bad degradation, I know. And if I stay like this, sure will be very dangerous for my afterlife. I’m feeling emptiness. In my deepest, I do really want to change, yet I perceive dont know where to start. I’ve to wake up from this first. Thats why I reject the invitation to be the guide, and nevertheless I want more time to handle my KL data.

By far, after more than two year studying here, finally I understand how this world could strictly turn us up and down in a certain period of time. Because, this is the world of chalenge, where demand is everywhere. We can’t just acting like a kid with no responsibility to be completed, which our duty is just to play outside the house with our friends and then laugh. The world outside the house now could killing us softly by it’s hardness. When the world seems unfair and I feel uneasy of everything, I’ll just remember that the terrible won’t last forever. God won’t ever let us feel sad for to long. That’s what I believe now. All I got to do is find a way to cure my self when something bad happened. Like what I’ve told before. I really need the ability.

Hammer on My Left Waist

I see my self this time. I'm a geological engineering student and I got to deal with the hardness of field work, though honestly I feel I'm not really own a high sensitivity on anything related to the field. So how could I survive on this kind of work? Let's see how time would help me, as I see it needs a long experiences and filedtrips on many more geologically challenging places. Anywhere in Indonesia seems like incredible places to learn geology . Thankfully we have a complete packet already containing vulcanoes, mountainering , valleys, streams & rivers, cliffs, lake, beach with dunes or coral, caves and outcrops, that available and waiting unpatiently to be observed.

This mind bother me after I undergo Kuliah Lapangan Program which include 12 days KL Bayat, 3 days regional geology excursion on at least passing accros two basin (Yogyakarta Basin and East Java Basin), and the last was Individual Geological Mapping located in 65 different kavlings for each student. My kavling was at Padas Subdistrict, Ngawi, East Java. In this program we taught how to work as a real geologist, and definitelly it much harder than theories we used to learn at class. Some lessons I captured were that geology's an expensive work so that we must have a strong dicipline and hard work, no beefing, not afraid of hot or rainy weather or even extreme field, and pay attention on field data accuracy. How important the data is like keep the data as keep our soul! Hah..

Many lecturers involved in this program, they taught us how to use compass for measuring the strike and dip of rock bedding also for determining our exact location by shooting two possitions of points in front of us that recognizable on topographic map; then how to use hammer for rock sampling; noting and plotting datas we got from the field including morphology, petrology and structural geology datas; next was doing measured stratigraphic for detail analysis and interpretation of depositional environment, the age of rock and also integrated historical geologi.

Geo Hammer: One Weapon for Geologist

In Bayat we once again introduced about "tired" as one of geologist bestfriend. We walked all day long on our mapping area with the widht of 2 x 2 km from 7 am until 5 pm for about 10 days. My legs was felt like going to broken. My back was never as painful as it was. Yeah, mostly Bayat felt like a hell for me, especially the earlier days. As usual, I didn't feel comfort with such a thing, that's why I always got to bed earlier compared to other girls. But, a lot of memories I can remember from that 12 days.

The following program was regional geologic excursion . We had trips around Yogyakarta, Wonosari, Kendeng Zone, Rembang Zone and the surrounding. It was quite relaxing, not as heavy as in Bayat. We just came into one stop site, doing a little observation and then hearing explanations from lecturer, and moved to another stop sites. I prefer to record the explanation than to made notes, as I mentioned before that I was very easy to get tired or get sleepy when the day hot, and then my concentration and focus were gone, my mind think slower and bla bla, especially when I worked in group, things are different when I worked individualy that I could only depend on my self, it push me to stay awake and focus.... huft, yeah I don't know that Geology could be this difficult. Anyhow, I'm really proud to bring hammer on left waist, and say, I'm a field worker!.... :D

And finally we had arrived to the most important part, that is individual geologic mapping. I'm so lucky to had my own porter to help me doing my mapping. He gots everything easier, starting from driving me during the proccess, help me memorize the strange little paths wandering the forest, until sampling many rocks to be observed more precissely on campus laboratories (Optical Geology & Paleontology Labs). My group comprise of five people. We're living for about 12 days in a comfortable basecamp in Bringin Subsdistrict. I love to be together with them, basically we're all some sort of lazy people (but we all had high intention to be smarter J) that lined up in one appropriate group. I really feel comfort with that fact, because I hate to be pressed, I want to get free and relax in a while too. But it's still long long way to go until this mapping fully done. Data processing is my next challenge to comprehends all that I got from the field. The presentation will be held at Desember or January next year if I'm not mistaken. Hopefully everything will going right for me.

Here in this mapping , I'm helped and guided by one of my lecturer that I think He's awesome and great regarding his fantastic life experience. I always love hearing stories like that. It felt like fairytales to me, but could give me inspiration and more power to confidently moving foward better reaching what I deserve to. Questions often bugging my head, something like," will I be like him", or, "look at your self now, what's on earth to make you feel like you are going to enter one of that Big Fishes? Or even the small one!!". To be honnest I feel like having nothing to be sell to them. Yes I have, I meant, I now how my self is, but it's hard to show my energy up. Reading in many geologist blogs, it seems that entering geology is very promissing decision, but for me it also frightening and fearing. Or probably I just hate the demand. Anyway, life's full of demand, isn't it? Eventhough underpressure life is something that definitely being a burden to my shoulder, but sometimes I have an excited time enjoying adrenaline rush living under that burden. I'll going crazy if I think negatively all the time, right? Push and push positive mind to stay survive.. :)

The Morning of 27th May

Four years ago, I still on my sweet dream sleeping - even it was already 6 am - when I finally woken up by huge trill felt like tens of giant elephants running through my side yard. I didn’t realize what happened yet until I felt dusts falling me from the upstairs, when I looked up I saw clearly the high wall of my room was terribly shakes forward and backward. My eyes suddenly wide open and my body forced to moving fast, jump from my bed, I run and run as fast as I could like crazy. Like something going to kill me. My house is typical large old fashioned Javanese house, and with the condition of such urgent situation it felt really took long time for me to reach the door to get outside. I swear. When I run on the hall, I saw all goods were messed up and mussy so I jump over the goods. The hall was very bright and full of sun light since it no longer had roof attached. The roof was fly over everywhere due to the shake of the earthquacke. Then, I got to pass the kitchen to get outside. When I was there I found no one, and stupidly I thought “Where’s everyone? Am I actually the only one who live on earth?”, hah, I was so insane. I don’t know how to explain but the situation in the house was very very silence eventhough the sound of the trill was like a trucks parade. Then, finally I could get out after hearthstopping minutes of struggle to stay survive. Apparently everyone has got out before me, my family forgot that I was still inside when everybody already outside. My nighbours especially the mothers were crying and hugging each other and said “Allahuakbar” many times. They put their worth goods like electronics outside the house.

In that point, I still unrealize how big the earthquacke was. I thought it was just the same as before. Until I decide to went inside again to find some drink or maybe continue my sleep because I really felt tired. Afterwards, when I open the door to get inside I felt really shocked! like the earth was no longer rotating on it axis! I saw my living room no longer had a separator wall between living room and family room. I swear the wall was very long and it all collapse, just leaving behind thousand of clay bricks and dust. Then I understood something, fortunatelly the wall collapse to the right direction. If it collapse to the left, it supposed to hit me when I run along the hall. Thank’s God. But, I couldn’t believe. My place to live since I was a baby was broke down. It miserably messed up! All the cupboard and the table, chairs and everything were fall down and collapse. I never saw my house that horrible before. At that point, I realize that it was real disaster!
I canceled to get into the house. Instead, apparently my father was nowhere! Everyone panic and worry if my father was in the collapse wall. But Alhamdulillah he saved, resting in the back yard because he couldn’t walk, his asthma relapse.

Very soon, in the unstable condition sudddenly people heard news that the earthquacke will create a tsunami and the wave was on it’s way heading our local position! Then my mind was fullfilled by the photograph of the chilling Aceh’s tsunami disaster. I couldn’t think clearly anymore. It was the most horrible situation that I ever had. Everyone’s looked pale and speechless like receiving a real death message. Honestly, I really scared at that moment. The headmaster of our villlage shouting and asking everyone to leave the house and quickly move to the higher place – Gunung Mudjil – using motorcycle or averything available. I know this seems ridiculous, but if you at the same position you will understand how real and scary it was. Later, I was ready with my motorcylcle and helmet. I asked my father to join me, together find higher place, but he kept on his decicion not to leave the house. He worried about the safety of our goods, hah, my father! How could he thought about saving goods? Saving life is the first importance for sure! Several minutes I persuaded him to leave, but he persistent “ I’ll hold on the branch if the wave come”, he said. What? Didn’t he think that the speed of tsunami could reach km? Then what a branch was for?

And finally I leave him. My mother together with other mother prefer to walk to the big mosque of ours, because we know a mosque in Aceh could stand still until the wave over. She brought only blanket and pillow. My old brother ride motorcycle too. Then I realize my young brother was gone. I searched for him in the crowded but no result. Nobody knows where he was. All I could do was pray for his safety. My eyes was staring forward, curious and wondering if it would end up alright or the opposite. Right before we were ready to leave, a police truck came along and stop us with a speaker. He said that the tsunami was only rubbish issue. The 5, 6 richter scale “Yogyakarta earthquacke” was unable to create a tsunami to our position which located at the valley with mountainering all around which could hold on the wave. Even the magnitude was big enough, but the depth also great so we could neglected tsunami threat. Afterward, We all could breath relievely.

Earthquacke is a pulsation or vibration that caused by subduction plate (in case between Australian oceanic plate and Eurasia continental plate ) which wedging each other, so the energy accumulated at the wedging area. And eventually when the energy release, will create a sudden movement of the plate that cause pulsation. The vibration magnitude will spreads as circle wave reaching as far as it can until the energy of the wave become slower and slower. How big the earthquacke felt extremely depend on how far and deep the hiposentrum and also kind of basement lithology under our house. It will feels more shaky if the basement lithology is loose sediment, not hard rock. Just observe at google earth, clearly we live above subduction zone, be aware that earthquacke can happen anytime with any unpredictable magnitude. There’s no invention today can explain precisely where and what time an earthquacke will happend. It’s difficult to learn the tention of tectonic plate activities. But, nothing is imposible, someday who knows?

The earthquacke responsible for many failure houses and several injured people in my village. Starting from that day, everything was never be the same again. The continuation earthquacke keep happening. At evening my brother and I take some trip arround, nobody brave enough to stay inside the house even until several days after. Each family slept and cooked on the veranda, with no light at all. No longer after, many help came from other area bringing us blanket, instant noodles, tents, and other food. I never imagine before that I would receive such help in term of disaster. We also got money from government to recover the houses.
Well....that’s my story, about one horrible incident. Eventhough, I really gratefull for the safety of my family.

About Mind and Life

I just, currently feeling uncomfort when I write this post. I often recall my past, and then worried about the future and everything. I hate the words “what if...”. Hah, apparently I’m already out of my mind. You know when I feel desperate, I often write it down, then I'll sit alone on my corner and cry sometimes, or just go to bed and try to sleep and wish it all over when I wake up. These days, I more realize that I must not behave like this, must change. Sometimes I feel tired of dreams, I’m tired of life. Yeah of course, nothing perfect, people say. Life supposed to be flowing like water, let it find it’s own way to flow, not forced to be like this or that. Because life is only once, and what a miserable if the one oportunity is full of stress and fear.



But the last day I know something reflecting fact that actually I’m not alone. In facebook, I ever added a hypnotherapist to become my friend. I didn’t acquainted with him, I just interest when I saw his ability in “reading” the mind of terorists. A unique talent, isn’t it? Yet it’s not a talent at all, it could be learned. And he’s not reading mind exactly, but he is a master concerning thing about psycology, mind, and I bet he is one of Indonesian best hypnoterapist, I see him so profesional. And the point is, he knows why people become happy and sad, or why some people are very confident and some other are mousy.



One day on his status, he invited people to follow his hearth therapy program , “ You must be very tired to keep your hidden problem, don’t you? Why it’s hard for you to change your bad nature, your bad fate?” it said on the first line advertisement. There, I thought wether actually averybody has a secrete hiden problem, like the advertisement said. If you ever watch remarkable movie ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’, at the begining scene on a crowded road Christ saw everyones faces, which looks so damn happy to him. And he wondering why couldn’t he looks like that. Now, I think Christ was wrong, because maybe behind those happy faces they actually save a heavy hidden problems for long period, who knows. I mean, I can’t imagine a life without problems. Allah said that the problems overburdened to us is appropriate with our ability to handle it. So what to worry?


On another facebook status, the hypnotherapist asked about how well we understand our mind. He explained that mind devided into several part, they are visual, logic, spatial, rhyme or tone, language, colour, habit, imagination, feel, drive (push): anger, fear, love, paradigm, intuition, belief system, self concept, self image, self esteem, and memory. The most important is ‘memory’ which located at neo cortex and mostly control our life next. Life experience, including everything happened in daily, what we see and what we hear, all are included into ‘memory’. And all that factors would affect to someone’s basic character, wether somebody is a confidence, a denial, a playboy, a matrialist, a safety player, an away from (dodge), a drunkard, a mousy, an achievement pursuer, a thinker, a detail, a creator, a people person, a system person, and many other kind of mind pattern. Totally, are exist 81 main pattern from 17 basic pattern. Well, I’m
quite curious what kind of meta mind profile do I have. What kind of person I am?


Knowing this pattern will let us know how the paradigm of an individu, a community, the step of a company, a terorist, the aim of a nation, and much more. And for sure we can change everything we want to change in our way of life by understanding that pattern. That’s what offered by the ‘hearth theraphy program’. From here, the theraphy program can help those who broken hearth, reveal somebody’s talent, sub modalities, intention, tendency, etc. Because perhaps actually many people want to change or solve ‘something’ lying beneath his hearth. I got all about this just from the hypnotherapist’s facebook status. Before, I never thought that in this world are exist such detail knowledge about mind and it’s real application. Wow, I really amazed. Now, I understand that my bad nature or characteristic that I really want to remove is affected especially by my past environment and my family. But I already grow up, I musn’t blaming anything.
Just moving forward even it’s hard.


So what is lying beneath my hearth? Need I share it here? I’m not that type of person. Sometimes I thought, how dare the destiny, other day I thought how lucky I am. Then, I only share my problem with God after pray sholat, only with God, really. These days my communication with Him not always run smooth, I’m being bad or something like that, I don’t know. Too much worldly thing in my brain, o my...But He always granted my prayer, almost all of my prayer, really. Thank’s God. Need a guide. Please stay beside me, always.